The last thing I want to do on my blog is sound like a whiny baby, but I guess I am about to. Are you ready?
This morning I am feeling so discouraged about my running. Over a week ago I started to feel some discomfort in my left lower leg. I kind of ignored it, ran a 4 mile with Kristen, and thought it would be ok. I thought that the wind I was fighting was the worst of it. No, the worst was about to come and I didn't even know it.
Giving myself over 2 days to rest, I was sure that my early Saturday morning run was a go. Bear with me. As I sit here to write this, I am in tears. Why? It's not the end of the world, is it? I have so much to be thankful for.
Saturday morning came. I got dressed in multiple layers, got my iPod ready, Set my Runmeter, and was psyching myself up for a great run with the girls. I was fully aware that my leg wasn't a hundred percent. I talked myself into the fact that it would be ok. The girls arrived and I shared my minimal concern. I made the decision to run down to my mailbox and said that if it hurt, I would turn back and head home as they ran on to complete what would be a milestone for one and a great achievement for another.
We walked out my front door, stretched a little, synchronized our iPhones, and got ready to set off. I took 3 steps... 3 STEPS, and I knew I should not go on. I couldn't go on. The girls turned around, one with sad eyes and one with her lower lip jutting out for me, and I told them to go. Pam hugged me and I cried. I cried to my front door and went into my bedroom. I peeled off some layers and just let the floodgates go. My husband was in the middle of his own 6 mile run which meant he wasn't there to give me the other hug I so needed. When he returned, I couldn't get to him fast enough to share my reality.
You have to understand that the 3 of us were making such huge strides and training hard together in the 4 or 5 weeks previous to that. We were building our friendship through the common bond of running. We were running through snow, ice, and wind. We ran in the sun, on cloudy days, and in rain. We felt amazing after each run, like we had done something great for ourselves.
So I mourn today.
For this entire week, I have been resting it, icing, stretching, and just taking it easy. For the first few days, my leg felt progressively worse and then by Wednesday there was a notable change for the better. On Thursday, it was better still. I began to plan for a Saturday morning run of 2 to 3 miles to get back into it. Friday came and I realized that it was not a little better, it was, in fact, back to where it was on Tuesday. It feels bruised and weak.
I was sure it was a case of shin splints. I read up on it and figured I'd be held back for a week or two and that still might be the case. But there is a possibility that it's a stress fracture of my left tibia. That devastates me. That means taking off 8 weeks or more for healing. My half marathon has to be put on the back burner. Others will come, and I will be back.
In the meantime, I take stock of all that I have and all that I am. I am not defined as a runner. I am so much more. Christ is drawing me nearer to Him to show me how to get through this trial.
And in the words of my dear, sweet husband, "Just a bump in the road, my love. You will get through this. By His stripes you are healed!"